After a squee as The Pan-Universal Parental Reconciliation arrived in the mail and then devouring it greedily, I need to do fan-art.
All right you guys, it’s story time. Specifically, it’s time for a story about the show that, for me, will end all shows. The show that all other shows will only aspire to. The show that, even more than five years later and just in a tableread, made me tear up just seeing the actors reprising their roles and made me hate the words “The End” more than I’ve ever hated any other words.
I’m talking, of course, about The Middleman, a show that lived for twelve episodes on ABC Family before getting cancelled, probably for doing things like using the phrase “tentacle hentai monster” in the first episode and having an episode with an a-plot about vampiric ventriloquist dolls featuring a subplot about inappropriate and awkward sex dreams.
If you haven’t figured out why this is the best show, please reread that paragraph again.
But there’s another reason that this show has stayed with me even more than all my other zany-and-borderline-inappropriate-and-comic-book-ish-sci-fi-shows (I have a type and I’m not afraid to admit it), and it’s Wendy Watson.
Top 5 Noser quotes | 04. | 1x03: The Sino-Mexican Revelation
The Middleman: What does become of the broken-hearted?
Noser: I think eventually they gotta find peace of mind. Maybe.
Top 5 Noser quotes | 02. | 1x07: The Cursed Tuba Contingency
Can’t I just use the axe?!
Top 5 Noser quotes | 03. | 1x11: The Clotharian Contamination Protocol
If you saved his life using kung fu, he owes you what the Chinese sifus, the Japanese sensei, and the Jedi Knights refer to as a “life debt”… In terms the common man can understand: you own his ass.
Wendy: You have a gun on you, Noser?
Noser: War is not the answer, Wendy. Only love can conquer hate.
The Middleman 1x01: The Pilot Episode Sanction